just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont even know how to be here
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
