And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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