end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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