you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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