I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
