I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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