you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
