Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
