fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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