She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
