I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
