my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
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