We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
