im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
