I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
