One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
