I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
