Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We need to get me chipped asap
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
