That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize