Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
