fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
