3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't make out with my wife yet
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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