your room smells of hookers.
And success
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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