I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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