I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
