I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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