so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
