the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize