Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
