yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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