"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
