The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
