it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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