...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
