I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
