i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
