And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
