You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
