U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
