It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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