WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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