i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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