i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
