I should be sponsored by Trojan
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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