I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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