im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
