Your face is a jimmy john
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
