i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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