I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
