dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
