Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
