we have pet lesbian snakes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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