SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
