Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
