You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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