How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
