Plan B is the new Plan A
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize