This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
