yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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