That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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