What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
