two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
