RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You are the jesus of drinking
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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