Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
