So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
