Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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