and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
