Your face is a jimmy john
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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