Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
