I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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