R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
