is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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