Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
