i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
