she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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