Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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