Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
