if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
