Whod you bang
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
