I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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