god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
