Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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