$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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