We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
