What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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