my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
