He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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