Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
