If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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