even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize