I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
