You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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